Crystal Clear Shadows

of Broken hearts and Broken Dreams

2009-02-14T06:22:00.001-08:00

by : whencrissytalkstheylisten
I lost track of the times I cried because of a Love that was blown by the wind. The number of times when my friends squeal in pain due to a crop of disappointment that only remains a stream of rhythmic memory and nothing more. Sometimes, I wonder, where do broken hearts go?
This day, I would like to soothe those who lost love, those who have let go of their most profound dreams, those who enveloped themselves with unrequited love, and those who still cast a glance of their Ideal Man at a far distance not knowing whether there is a tiny possibility that one day, Mr. Ideal Man will fairly glance back at them.
We all have experienced the thrills and frills of being in love. We all somehow at one point in our lives threaded the same path once. The path leaded us to different directions, yet, in some ways, we have been a part of that long winding road. I would like to remind those people who despised the thought of falling in love again; those who lost faith in love, those who prayed constantly that there will never be 14th of February in the calendar, and those who wish red roses would eventually turn into black and loose its magical scent, that it is never too late to get out of the pit you burrow yourself into, live and love again.
Being shattered and being stuck in embracing the past, doesn’t entirely mean that you will still sulk over the whole thing over and over again. The wound will keep on bleeding until you allow it to. You will never know that there remains a tiny hope right outside of your window, if you’ll just keep on burrowing yourself under your bed. A love’s lost can sometimes took the breath out of us, but, it won’t entirely mean that we’ll die after the moment they bid goodbye.
Unrequited love, unreciprocated and not a two way street kind of relationship, the kind of love that is always depicted in the movies, the characters we can always see ourselves into. This is the kind of relationship that only one person selfishly gives him/herself and the other one openly just receives. I wanted to reach out for those women who just look at their Ideal Man from afar, waiting for the perfect timing that he’ll soon notice you; it is never too late to turn away your glance from that guy, and look somewhere else. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, if that person never realizes that someone loves him from a distant, and then there will be no happy ending for that silent gaze of yours. Quit gawking, broaden your viewpoint and instead notice those who stole you glances.
When a relationship ends and fails, there are certain factors why it has to end in the first place. Nevertheless, don’t drown yourself into the situation where you face and put all the blame to no one, but you. It is the most foolish way to begin your healing process with. When a relationship ended, remember that it is never your fault alone, as it always takes two to tango.
And for those who despise fully hates celebrating Valentine’ day, because it will only bring back the memories of the past, you must be reminded one more time, that Valentine’s day is just like the other days in the calendar. Nothing is exactly extraordinary out of it. You don’t have to sulk and curse the day, after all, it is the same day as the 13th and 15th.
And now I realized broken hearts don’t really exist. For deep within us, our heart’s whole no matter how shattered we think it would be when we lost love. It radiates and continues to pulsate no matter how painful the goodbye was. And there are no broken hearts, really only broken dreams.

To DADDY with LOVE

2009-02-10T07:54:00.000-08:00

by : whencrissytalkstheylisten

Dad,

I can feel your moist lips as you kissed mommy's tummy. I know that without even having you touching my hand right now, I know for sure that I am loved. I am so eager to see you and mom and with that am counting with my tiny fingers the months am gonna see you...

I am so lucky to be your daughter, I send to you my kisses as well.

Love,

Freundii Allegra Simone

Regrets, DUMP IT

2009-02-10T07:43:00.000-08:00

by : whencrissytalkstheylisten
Everyone close to me can say that I am that kind of person who never think of the problem that besets me, they add that I look and act that I am free from tensions and worries. I guess they are pretty right on those close observations. The secret is that I don't REGRET anything that I had done in the past, whether a good or bad thing sprung out my decisions, I hugged all my actions to my knees.

The reason why we are always stressed out because we lack the strength to look into life as a playground. Like a child, we are flung into this magical playground where different swings and other play equipments are located. We choose what equipment to play with, sometimes we choose to ride the see-saw. We can balance our lives the same way we do when playing the see-saw.

We eventually realized that we got bored riding the see-saw. We run off and tried the manual merry-go-round. The twists and turns of the merry go round can be compared to our lives, we are not always in control of it. Some force or somebody has to push the merry-go-round so it can move in circular motion. GOD is that gravity, one realization I made as the years made me older.

We then, looked around for the swing, we ride the it with full force and push ourselves with our own legs, and then the swing sways up to its motion. Yeah, if only MAN could learn how to let go of there worries and let the wind blow them away momentarily just like when you ride the swing, then, the world would be free of acquired lifestyle diseases as certain of these illnesses is caused by unwanted worries and fears..

And as the evening sky creeps in, I walked out of the playground, not holding any regret why I played and wound my knees and scratched my elbow and soil my feet. I look forward to every cuts and bruises as I enter the playground, for there is no amount of pain and agony that can equal the certain joy and happiness I feel in the fraction of time I spend playing in the playground.

The reason why I keep nurturing the CHILD in me is that, only a CHILD can play in the playground, ride the swing, without looking silly and daft.... And only a CHILD can ever accept the consequences of his actions without killing himself..

an Update

2009-02-10T06:45:00.000-08:00

by : whencrissytalkstheylisten

I was not able to write for quite a while since I'm too preoccupied swimming in my own thoughts. We just turned 19 weeks! Yes, I know, it will be another week more to go before we can say that we have reached the half way mark. I don't really mind at all gaining these extra pounds, and when I say extra, it is somehow near 20 pounds!! I felt that my tummy is about to pop out, due to the fact that I can feel my skin has somehow managed to reached its elasticity limit, kidding!!

Plus, I have my Multiply site to keep me more preoccupied. It is very seldom that my friends visits this site, and thus, I find writing here somehow a relief since I am allowed to say things that I am not allowed to. Bwahahaha..

I have gained weight, yet I earned a lot of happiness inside of me... Whew, this is the PEACE I was longing for....

Remind me of this, LIL ONE<>

2009-02-10T06:37:00.000-08:00

by : whencrissytalkstheylisten

yes, i know that you are inside me of. I have dream about you and never I had seen a very handsome face such as yours. I try not to worry about the future as it collides my happiness into confusion, and it wont be healthy for both of us. I figure out that my mind should be free from worthless and meaningless undesirable thoughts from now on. In case I forgotten this vow, give me a loud kick and I'll sure remember this by.

Dont, Call me STUPID..

2009-02-10T06:36:00.000-08:00

by : whencrissytalkstheylisten

Stupid, I call myself, daft is even better. I wonder how can we gauge intelligence and smartness. I may not know things such as converting files into some extensions, nor I even forgot how to do that Mail Merge thingy. I don’t play PSP, and yes, even my own PC files are a mess. I maybe gadget-tech(y)-DUMB, but, I live in my own comforts, in my own small world, of papers and pens, of shoes and clothes, of french-fries and sundaes. I have my wants and needs and things that can make me happy, I don’t think that hard drives, mobile phones, converters here and there make my day. I am free to think, to live in my own pace, in my own thoughts, in my own keenness, somehow it is surreal, somehow it is my own thing, not yours, PUNK! No, I don’t call myself Stupid, nor I want to think that I am, I am not dumb, I am not just into “your” thing, live with it, and don’t call me Stupid.

After 12 Long Years..

2009-02-10T06:34:00.000-08:00

by : whencrissytalkstheylisten

I saw your face in my dreams, twice you came into my fantasy last week. You still had that very familiar smile, that very loving pair of eyes. No, we didn't kiss, nor we held hands, we were just talking and it shocked me when I felt a very strange sensation, that same feeling I used to have 12 years back. It all came back to me, there were running here and there, and when I woke up, I was confused. Why did I dream of you? Yes, I no longer love you, I am no longer the girl that once was so infatuated with your smile. I don't remember your soft moist lips, and how sensational I feel after kissing you. Yes, I don't go back to the tales of the past. And yet, in my dreams, you were there, standing right infront of me.

You once stole my heart, and yes, you uttered a lot of "i love u's" before. But, everything was buried, and the tears have dried up. I just wish that you are as happy as I am now, I do still hope that you and the girl whom you had chosen over me are still happy.

In the morning, I let out a huge smile.... It has been in ages since the last time I saw you, and in my dreams, you remain that handsome prince twelve years back. But for now, and in case you read this, just want to thank you.. for sneaking into my dreams!

CONFESSIONS

2009-01-02T05:35:00.000-08:00

by : whencrissytalkstheylisten

Breathe In. Breathe Out. I had been meaning to write something today. I want to doze myself with satisfaction I get through writing. Things have been running smooth recently, nothing worry me much except the Ipanema flip flops that I wanted to purchase so badly.

I am currently hooked with the Shopaholic book series which I had bought. The fictional character seems so real, because I see the major similarities between BECKY and I. Most of you don’t know pretty well that I am such a spender. I don’t usually adorn myself with such all those hundred-dollars brand names. There’s something particular in a dress that made me go gaga over it. In fact, I buy everything in two’s or in three’s, same design, but in two or three different hues. I started being so penchant in that out-of-this-world-habit of mine during college years. To be more honest, I seldom went to the fitting room to try on those clothes, even when I purchase jeans, I often see the sales girls scratching their heads whenever I told them, “give me a size 30 of this”, after they hand the jeans to me, I’ll go and proceed to the cashier without trying on the jeans, luckily, they all fit me!

I don’t know when it did exactly started but I had vivid memory when I was growing up, my father always asked me how many boxes of crayons I need, I would then replied, “a box of 64 crayons!”, then he would sound annoyed and said “ am gonna buy you three boxes with 64 crayons a piece”. There probably it started.

Another thing, which most of you don’t know is that I have this wide heart for stationeries and pens or even writing pads and notebooks. Believe it or not, I go crazy for them, even until now that am already working. I still have a lot of notebooks lounging around our room. I have dozens and dozens of pens too! I cannot stop myself from buying those things, and am utterly and vainly confused why. I guess the child in me kept on resurfacing over and over again. I cannot resist those notebooks and colorful pens.

When I shop, I don’t loiter that much around. Every time I stepped into those boutiques, I know what I wanted. I know if I will look good on it or not. Aside from shops, I am into those vintage clothes, too. I so love the feeling of seeing an old vintage clothes that still looks pretty new. As of the moment, maybe I nearly have more than 600 blouses, not including those I already had thrown to the bin.

Funny thing is, I don’t try to impress others. I am not a fashion victim, nor do I crave for what’s hot and in fashion. Nor I don’t even dress properly that much, I am even having a hard time choosing what to wear daily, everyday is a crisis for me whenever I am in front of my jammed packed closet. Seems like I don’t have anything to wear, but, everyday I am standing in front of those hundred piled clothes. I just want to collect them period, and it’s far different from having the “want” to flaunt them.

Back to the book series, Becky Bloomwood is really witty and hilarious. I see that there’s a BECKY in me, minus of course, the want to have all those signature stilettos and bags! I buy things which I don’t necessarily need. Also, I have this fear that maybe my favorite lotion or cologne will be out of stock, hence, the necessity of buying all my toiletries in two’s is a must.

There are a lot of girls out there who are far worse than me- shopping and being a spender wise, I mean, as a girl I have the excuse to shop my heart out, but, when I think of those simple and contented girls who just own a small amount of dress and yet still have that “inner peace”, that inner glow which no amount of dress can equal to. I feel a huge envy whenever I saw girls who don’t battle every morning with their closet.

A revelation.

During college years, there was a University that I was enrolled to, which students were not required to wear uniforms. I had this small notebook which contains my daily attire schedule. I mixed and match my clothes including the shoes and bags that I have to wear. It was very bratty to do such planning, but, I had a great time doing that whole forecast plan.

I am not in trouble yet with my VISA card nor any bank, but, recently I just reached the limit of my credit card, and thinking about it crunches my stomach. At least I have Ace to keep my neck afloat from those shopping splurges, at least am still breathing.

My being too greedy in shopping is something that I want to change totally, but, every time I started to tell everyone that I am trying to be thrifty, I receive a lot of disapproving glances and comments. I am a prisoner of this shopping addiction, I hate the thought of money being kept into my purse, I have to buy something…. And just what BECKY constantly said… “just a little something’….

New Year's Rantings

2008-12-31T14:31:00.000-08:00

by : whencrissytalkstheylisten

Cheers to everyone! We bid goodbye to 2008 and welcome the new year with smile and tons of it actually! Here's my collection of thoughts regarding what a great year 2008 has been.

2008 was all about tears and smile. Friendships were created and strengthen through the test of time, some were lost and gone with the wind. Career wise, it has been never been better and less than demanding. On love, its all about tying the knot with my ever dearest Knight, at long last!! To those who have known me deeply, I lost someone so special on this year, but, eventually gained the Greatest Gift that God has bestowed upon me, aside from the LIFE that He has given!

I look back to the past year, and I know that I can smile and each day that passed can make me smile more and more. When I think of the coming year, I can sensed that it will be full of joy, love and harmony. I am going to give birth on the 4th of July, and I am so deeply thrilled with the preparations.. I always dream of becoming a MOTHER.

As I kissed 2008 goodbye, I know that God constantly had been my tower of strength. Material possessions are just everywhere and money is just money. The ones that we love are the most important possession we can ever have. I count my blessings and I was elated that I have more than friends than my pair of shoes. You see, Love is such a blessing one ought not to abuse nor take for granted. I open my purse and though I have bestowed with material things, money can't make me happy and satisfied, and am glad that 2008 has taught me that!

I wanted to create my resolutions, but that will be so futile. I know that there are some part of me that need to be deleted and throw into oblivion, but, I don't have to enumerate them one by one. My weakest links will become my strengths, the only promise I have to keep starting this year.

2008, goodbye.. You will fade into our memory just like the other years that has passed., but, let me thank you for the lessons that I had learn, when and whom to TRUST, when to fight and how to surrender with hope, embrace things and learn to let go of them and to put God before the start and end of each day. 2008 you just made me another year more wiser!!!

and now I welcome 2009 with a big heart!!!!! I will soon become a mom and nothing can ever beat that!!

Tummy GALLERY

2008-12-29T11:35:00.000-08:00

At 10 weeks
Barely at 6 weeks
still at 6 weeks

milestone!!! at 12 weeks

I will try to update this photos regulary until I give birth to ISLO (eye-loh) or ZICHI (zee-shay) on the 4th of July 2009.

by : whencrissytalkstheylisten

BYE BRATTY TINA

2008-12-29T11:08:00.000-08:00

by : whencrissytalkstheylisten

There are times when people hurl words at me like how B*tchy I am or how bratty I could act. Though at first glance, you won't never notice how immature I am from within. I talk about LIFE like I live past beyond 80 years of existence. I maintained a job that is very demanding (sort of) and I have a home to take care of. Little did everyone know that deep inside me, the CHILD in me refuses to grow up.

I see life in the eyes of a child. I hate to see cruelty and violence that constantly being aired on the TV and prints. I don't want to hear about disease stricken African people nor those certain viruses that can harm pigs and in turn inflict human. I mean, it's so gross. I refuse to see the world through the eyes of the grown up, because, it is full of filthiness and ugliness that it could blind me somehow. I wanted to remain the child that I once used to be simply LIFE BACK THEN IS A WHOLE LOT MORE SIMPLIER.

A colleague told me " no, tin, you are not a brat and irresponsible, because if u are, you won't have the job that you currently have". Partly, yes its true, because it takes only grown ups to have real work and eventually turn them into their own careers. And I guess, mine is a bit worth being proud of. But, still my family and close friends consider me immature, and why the hell is that?

A). I tend to take things lightly. I don't plan things or that what-could-be-in-the-future thingy. I take one step at a time.

B). I don't want to complicate things. I do hate the thought of converting some files into PDF or playing some complicated games on the PSP. I want to enjoy life and not to make it worse and complicated.

I could list a lot of reasons why am being called as a brat. But, suddenly, I realized that, people might also consider calling me as a GROWN UP, because only GROWN UPs can make a relationship work, ONLY grownUps can get married, ONLY gROWN Ups can be mothers!!!!

From this day on forward, I might not label myself anymore as a BRAT. Though, I know I will still have people hear me call such names, but, I won't falter and fall. I will try to act like normal grown ups do, well, except, see the world as a filty and unpretty. The world remains in my eyes as a PLAYGROUND.

One more thing though, I have a baby coming so soon, and for sure, ONLY A GROWN UP can be a GREAT MOM!!!!!!

13th Week

2008-12-28T10:04:00.000-08:00

by : whencrissytalkstheylisten

Am currently on my 13th weeks. During the night, I become so sickly that I wanted to head out to the washroom and puke, but, I couldn't. I so love being pregnant. Aside from the pampering of my husband, being pregnant is the best feeling that I ever had. With all those raging hormones here and there, there's something unexplainable having a tiny baby swimming all over my tummy.

I am not really "showing" that much yet, but, I feel full everytime I stuff something in my mouth. I don't crave anything something special or far more thaan ordinary. Recently, I don't have the appetite to eat, but, the funny thing is, I gained 6 kilos! I eat everything I lay my hands on, but, it doesn't mean I like to eat. I guess, something in my head just tell me to commit gluttony, that's all.

I still don't have that feeling which every pregnant woman I know kept on saying " that being ugly" feeling. I look myself at the mirror, and though there are some changes within me, I still dont hate the person I see, I still feel pretty! Bwahahha... For quite a while now, I badly wanted to wear make up. I haven't put any stuff into my face since I learn I was pregnant. I lack the time since getting up in the morning is such a difficult task these days.

I haven't paid a visit to my OB yet, I know that I have to, but, I have this gut feeling that I am perfectly fine so does my baby. I will visit her when I reached 16 weeks. Reaching 16 weeks will be the milestone for us, though, I am really happy and thrilled when we reached passed the 12 week mark. The risk of miscarriage is definitely low and I am so happy with that.

Oh, by the way, have I forget to mention that I am lazy all the time? Yes, I am! I hate the thought of getting to work, but, since, I love my job, I have to. I have to push my laziness aside and have to get my ass to work. First and foremost, the important thing right now is not ME but my BABY.

If it's a GIRL, we will name her, FREUNDII ZICHILA SIMONE and if he's a boy, he will be known as, ISAIAH ISLO (pronounced as : EYE-LOH) ULRICH. It doesn't matter if my baby will turned out to be a HE or SHE, as long as my baby is perfectly healthy. They will have their nicknames as : ISLO (Eye-LOH ) and ZICHI (Zee-Shay).

I seek all your help through prayers.. Prayers can move moutain. I know God had perfectly given us this baby because HE knows that a baby have turned our lives around!!And GOd knows how we wanted to have a BABY!

UAE Wedding

2008-12-28T09:54:00.000-08:00

At the consulate

by : whencrissytalkstheylisten

It was a bright sunny Thursday afternoon when we finally tied the knot. After 6 long years of being together, it was one thing that everyone has been waiting for. I surely managed to keep myself from crying!!! What made my heart pound so hard is the way Ace answered with a loud voice said all the vows. I had never him seen so serious. I could have blurted out laughing, but, glad I didn't.

BECAUSE GOD SAID SO

2008-12-21T09:51:00.000-08:00

by : whencrissytalkstheylisten

My heart sigh with heaviness. I am really a sentimental fool, I may not exactly put all my words into actions, but, I am deeply concern about world peace. The word "peace" doesn't entirely have to something with all those bright flashy smiles of beauty queens and politicians. I myself, maybe not too obvious, can easily be affected hearing sad news about hunger,wars,infirmities,poverty,terrorism,communicable diseases and other related problem that besets us.

Recently there are news about US suffering from a huge decline in their stock market. A lot of huge companies are in the list of candidates for bankruptcy. U.S being the most powerful nation can affect the financial stability of other countries, especially those who belong to the so called third world countries. I knew nothing about stock exchange,GNP,world currency, monetary funds and other economic terms, but, in my own translation of these recent developments, we will all be facing more financial instability in the near future.

Hunger and Poverty.

Whenever I see images of people flashed in the tv with a hunger stricken face, it always bring tears to my eyes. I couldn't face hunger and poverty. Human as we all are have this basic need to eat. And I cannot imagine people who feed on water alone lest those who sleep the night away with an empty stomach. I know how hard it is to go through one day without eating. And the saddest part of it all, is that they dont have any options to alleviate their plight. It ached me a lot to see people who die because of hunger, children who suffer from malnutrition and people who beg alms in order to survive.

With the recent news, am not adamant that our world in the next 20 years will become so filthy and unbearable place to survive. I wish our future children will not suffer much. I wish years from now, we can still grab the time to sit and peacefully talk about life and not having to worry about what to eat and how to survive. I wish we can have the grandiose time to spend on things like Multiply and blogging. Because, no matter how positive we think of what the future will be like, we all have to prepare for the worst to come.

Having education pension plans, health insurance and other assurance of a great future will not guarantee of a life long comfortable days. It is still uncertain how bleak or bright the future will be like. What matters now, is the present. How we shape our future can be determined how we live our present. I dont want to be rich. I dont want to be rich and be snob. I dont dream of having a mansion nor driving my own jaguar or masarati. I just wanted to have options,choices and options how to live my life accordingly. I just dont want to die young and having not experience being happy at all. I dont want to think about dying and infirmities. As much as possible I dont want to watch tv and read newspapers, I just dont want to pollute my brain with all the negativity.

I see life as beautiful as I picture it. Diseases and death are inevitable, and the whole thought of "suffering" is still hard for me to digest. But, Life is more than being comfortable and gay. Life is beautiful despite the hunger and sufferings we have to bear. As long as I am breathing, Life will always be beautiful. As long as I can stand with my own two feet, the world will still be livable.

God sees our heart. God destroys even the most powerful city as stated in the Bible. God sent curse to those who were high minded and obscene. God sent the great flood and destroyed the earth in 40 days. God sent plaques. God alone has the power to destroy our world. If we suffer now and face hunger, it is just God's one way of testing our faith in HIM.

I see life beautifully, because God created me to live in the place he completely made in 6 days. He gave us trials and pain that we can bear. In all sufferings I have to go through, I offer all of it to the Creator. I cannot keep my eyes closed and my ears deaf unto the filthiness of the world. I have to bear what I have to bear. One thing for sure though, that whatever happens, I was created by God to experience it all, and in case I have to gone through the needle point because of trials and problems, IT IS BECAUSE GOD SAID SO...

NEVER TOO LATE

2008-12-15T20:07:00.000-08:00

by : whencrissytalkstheylisten

One day had passed, but, I knew you can forgive me.. You, who I had never seen so pissed off, hugs life with a smile. You, who never bear grudges to anyone. You, whom everyone seems to love. HAPPY BIRTHDAY I kI know am one day late, but, you, understand right?
Happy birthday again, BIBOY, my baby brother who just turned 22 years old yesterday.. You will remain one of my sturdiest pillars... I love you boy.

CHRISTMAS TALK..

2008-12-14T17:47:00.000-08:00

by : whencrissytalkstheylisten

All i want for christmas are those things which cannot be bought at the grocery store. I wish that everyone will knock some sense in each other's heads that Christimas isn't just all about Santa and exchanging gifts. It means a lot more precious and deeper than that. My birthday is a day before Christmas but I do look forward to the time where my relatives and friends gather all together to celebrate it with me on Christ's birthday and not with my own.

Christmas is the only day am looking forward to every year. Some of the Christmases that marked a huge impact in my life are the following :

A. X-mas 1989

- I was about six when I was proudly gleaming with happiness as me and my parents and my
shared a bounty Noche Buena. The first and the last that we ever shared the joyful season
as a "family". The only Christmas I can remember that I had my pictures taken with them.
NOTHING beats that unexplainable feeling when my parents shared LOVE during that day,
it was later on that I found out that something terrible is bound to happen. If only I had chosen
to wish for A COMPLETE FAMILY instead of the 64 pcs.crayons of CRAYOLA that CHRISTMAS.
If only... and it will be another story for me.

B. X-mas 1992

- The year that I learnt that Santa and his reindeers are not real. I woke up earlier than I should,
and unfortunately saw my mom and nanny hang our gifts to the socks placed at the top of the
window pane. I scratched my head knowing that forever, Santa will remain as a myth, and I
won't really see him riding his reindeers and take me with him to distribute gifts across the world.
I do believe in Santa, even after now. The constant reminder that I should do good everyday
in order to reap his gifts on Christmas day.

C. X-mas 2003

- The loneliest yet most romantic Christmas ever. I stowed away and was forced to rent a room in
a boarding house. My dad hadn't sent me my monthly allowance and I felt so broke and
completely loosing insanity. It was then that Ace surprised me with cakes and fruits and shared
them in the Cold frosty Christmas night. I realized that I spend that Christmas completely alone
with him. Our 2nd Christmas together!

Now, 10 days before Christmas, I thought of things that I want to give to my friends. But, I couldn't think of any.... I don't want to buy something out of the ordinary. I can be extra kind to them. hehehe.But, am still puzzled what Christmas gifts to hand them.

God had given Ace and I the perfect gift for this Christmas. Next year it will be a different thing, since we will have our bundle of joy to share it with. God knows the intentions of our hearts without us even saying it. He knows when to give and what to give, unlike us human who strive for perfection and appreciation. God gives because its what we deserves. When and how to give it, that's up to HIM=) But, am sure that one day all our wishes be our Christmas wishes will be laid infornt of us, HE will tap us in the shoulder and proudly say " go ahead my son /daughter,these are all yours,for being a great follower of me I send this for you with love"..

This I realized....

2008-12-13T19:46:00.000-08:00

by : thinking cristina

have you ever tried of moving your foot and inch forward but you cannot?
have you ever managed to held the knob but then turned your back away from the door?
do you feel sometimes that despite your numerous effort of reaching your goals, you stumbled each time twice backwards?
wishes.dreams.and sometimes the will isn't enough.
why there are lot of people who fail? those who fall short on their expectations of what their lives could have been... its because..
they flung their lives out in the open, believing that their wings can make them fly high, without realizing that God is the wind that carries them throughout their flight.
wonder why you are unhappy and blue? it's because you listen to the norms of the society, don't do this and do that.... why don't you kneel and pray, and follow your heart and that inner voice inside of you...take the time to ask what you really what, and if that is according to what God has molded you to be...only then you can stop grumbling how life sucks and how life can be truly unfair.

As I constantly been repeating over and over again, "The Beauty in Life is LIFE itself".

Nightmare

2008-12-13T18:52:00.000-08:00

by : thinking cristina

I met the devil in my dreams.. He wanted to lure my auntie by giving her Dhs. 50,000. I yelled uncontrollably. I shook with fear. But, I prayed our Lord's prayer and soon I arose from my deep slumber. and then I realized.... I defeated him through my prayers, God is my shield all the time..

IDLE MODE

2008-12-11T02:15:00.000-08:00

by : thinking cristina

This is my 4th blog for today. You see when I have all the time in the world, all I can do is write. Write until thoughts are so few and all I can think of is adding a lot of period such as this......

I am not really into grammatical stuffs and all the like. I honestly cannot managed to read a dictionary, though I carry one all the time. It is time consuming or at least I didn't tried harder. So, forgive me if there are a hundred an one errors on these pages.

I am idle. I suffered a leg injury due to some unknown reasons, I can think of a hundred culprits but the most possible causes are :

1. Sprain
2. Gout
3. Arthritis.

But, since my sissie in law is a doctor, I asked her about the Gout, and was totally relieved when she told me that I am too young to have that disease. Cheers to that. I am convincing myself that is due to the fact that I sleep with my ankles crossed behind the other. I am not acrobatic in bed if that is what you're thinking.

I am in bed for 4 days now, three days without moving only for my ritual habitual bathroom routine, apart from it, I brushed my teeth in bed, and I kept a pee pan beside our bed. Promise it is not that stinky, after all.

With me being immobile and idle, I have considered a lot of future plans. Most of them are exciting which may involve dishing out some cash. First and foremost, I need to see my OB two weeks from now. I am so thrilled seeing my lil baby again live on screen. Aside from it, I am looking forward to my 25th bday. (gosh, am getting older). I am also excited to tour around the city, especially now that we can get a free ride courtesy of our friends, pinky and lawrence, who just purchased their car. And in case, Pinky reads this, (I will giver her a link, to make sure she reads this. bwahhaa), I want to let her know that I soon will be fine, and I want us to be her first passenger. Bwhahahaa.. The only thing to worry about is that we are not so sure of the direction of where we want to go. Here are my proposals, (read this pinks).

1. Qanat Al Qasba
2. Atlantis
3. Dubai Mall
4. Al Ain

Oh, I know that pinky despised long drive, but still, Al Ain trip is worth looking forward to...

I almost forgot, the most important thing right now is to get my left ankle moving before I create this trips.. And of course, we are merely the passengers, the driver still yet to decide... Bwhahaa..

I think, being crippled (hate that word), has its advantages. My Ob advised me of a bed rest 6 weeks ago. But, I honestly can't give a clearer definition of what bed rest means.

A. Does it mean being immobile like what am now?
B. Does it mean resting and lying on bed for the whole 24 hours?
c. Does it mean not doing any work after I came home from work?

Well, at least, even without having a proper definition of a bed rest, I was able to have these 4 days completely bed ridden. I am so glad that Ace never failed to reach out for comfort, like the hot water rub he gave me last night, where he massaged my foot dipped into a smoking hot water, his hands went flaming red! After the dip was done, he massaged and applied cream on my aching muscles and covered it with his comfy socks. I had a great sleep, pain free because of it. Oh, what a lucky woman I am!

I have a lot of things to share... Let me end this blog and I'll see you on the next...

Mother to a CHILD

2008-12-11T01:27:00.000-08:00

by : thinking cristina

I am beginning to feel my "baby's bump". Actually I am into my 10th week of pregnancy. I wanted to write something for my little resident and so here it goes :

Baby Chikiting,

My whole world stopped upon learning that I am having you. There are no words that can best sum up the happiness and joy that surrounded every inch and every part of my heart since the day I knew that I have you. There are certain promises I want you to know that I will keep no matter what. I have them listed here so that in time, I can be reminded of those promises.

Mom promise not to scream when I'll give birth to you, i know it will be so hard, but MOm will try.
I promise not to have your butt covered with the irritating diapers everyday except when we go out for walks and shopping.
If you turned out to be a boy, I promise I wont never ever paint your nails pink nor dressed you like Britney Spears and if you are a girl, I will never ever cut you hair like those of the boy's.
I promise I will breastfeed you, if mommy's inverted nipples stick out months from now, but, it they don't I promise you will be feed more than you needed and wanted.
I will try to control and not to be bothered by your cries, and you can cry nonstop without mommy covering her ears, promise.
I promise to feed you only with natural and healthy foods, no junkies allowed, I dont intend to feed you with cerelac and gerber, okay, I might feed you with gerber but not with Cerelac.
You will have your pictures taken on a daily basis, until Daddy's Hard Disk (1 tetra) and (500 mb) are filled with nothing but your pictures, until you are old enough to delete them all.
We will celebrate your bday monthly. It might not be all the time " bongga" but, there will be spagetti, ice cream and gifts for you.
If you are a boy, you will be circumcised at the age of 10, not 10 weeks old. I dont want you to feel pain when you're not mature enough to know the meaning of it. If you are a girl, I promise not to put highlights on your hair - not until you turned 12 though. If you are a boy, we will get you enrolled in Basketball training camp every summer, and if you are a girl, it is definite that you will join a theater workshop, dress making class or acting worshop, whatever suits you.
At the age of 15, when you admit that you are finally seeing someone, Mom promise not to throw a fit, nor pull your hair nor cast cold glances on you. Above all, Mom promise not to tell your Dad about it. Deal!
After you finish your highschool, I promise not to choose the course you will take in college. You are free to decide whatever you wanted. Of course, baby, Mom wants you to be a scientist, or even a pathologist or meteriologist, but, baby, I will tell you straightforward right now, it will break mommy's heart if you will not pursue what you want in order to please us. Go with what you want, but, think about being a scientist, please?
And on your wedding day,Mommy won't cry that much.. (the only promise I am not sure I am capable of doing, but, still I will try). I won't faint.
I promise I will not name your children after my own liking. (but, if you want, I have a long list of names waiting for you to check each one out).
I promise not to yell and spank you.
I promise to be a great mother,to you and to your siblings as well.

I wanted to become a mother since I was eight. There's something in me that tells me I can be a great mom. I will soon cut the money I spend on my wardrobe. (be careful with the word : will) I am trying to stuffed my mouth with amplaya despite its bitterness. I tried hard not to lavish myself with Doritos and Piattos. I forget how pepsi and coke tastes like.

As a mother-to-be there are a lot of things we ought to sacrifice for our future child. Never had I been so happy such as this. It is entirely different when you have a pair of tiny feet kicking inside your tummy, you see the world and its perfection. Never did I appreciate the smell of rain, the luscious greenies and the tall blazing sun, not until now am having a baby. I see the world blemish-free. I want nothing but the best for my baby, and so I promise my best to shield her / him from pain as long as I am breathing.

I love you chikiting..

WHO ME?

2008-12-11T00:05:00.000-08:00

I might want to introduce myself, I could have just skip this crap but, since, most of my readers are not personally close to me, this whole getting- to- know me is an essential one.

I will try not to detailed every personal things that happens in my life through this pages. But, knowing the kind of person I am, I cannot promise such. There's so much going around me lately that I cannot keep my mouth shut. I am happy, I mean extremely happy. I decided to create this page entirely to have an online journal since holding a pen pains me.

I am cristina. I love writing my heart and brains out. I am deeply intrigued about life and angst. I am not difficult nor easy to be pleased. I love nature. I must admit that I don't read much these past few years, and I am still stuck with the beautiful memories and saga of the Wakefield twins. I love to talk, my husband and my brother can listen to me for hours and days without getting bored, or at some point they want to shoot me with a gun just to shut me up, but maybe even with the gun in my mouth, I would still try to chat endlessly. Bwahaha.

I don't create monstrous plans. I live each day as if it will be my last, such a cliche, but its true. I don't think that a person has to keep on thinking about the future, since, God is really in charge of our future. What we ought to do is to keep our heels and toes directed into that path which God directs us. I was born and raised as a Catholic but became a Baptist when I got here in UAE. Currently, and to be honest, I don't belong to any Church, all I know is that I have a Bible (King James version), that is lying in my bed until I fall asleep, and that same Bible is kept in my purse wherever I go. I believe in Jesus Christ and in God and Holy Spirit. Amen.

I don't hold grudge against anyone, but, I can't easily forget the mistakes being done to me. I have this gift of being able to remember names, even those faces were just mere acquaintances. I am talentless, really. I don't sing, though I do sometimes can hit the notes and pitch the way it should be, but, most of the time you will be disgusted with my singing. I dance, though but, I could have asked my mom that I wanted to become a dancer before. Too bad, I just realized my dreams only now, that I wanted to become a dancer! Bwahaha

I have this very close relationship with my father. My mom and I constantly fight. I exactly didn't had a perfect childhood because they were separated when I was on my 2nd grade, but my grandparents and relatives cared for me too much while I was growing up in Davao. I didn't felt the pain of their separation, I honestly cannot imagine what my life would be like if I have a complete family, because, it will take something in me - the real me.

I used to be rebel. I don't listen to anyone, particularly to those who are so dear to me. I thought I was so smart enough to handle my own life. I deeply thought that the classroom is just a four cornered room and there is nothing much to learn from there, the STREET is the real world, where people begged for food, minors get laid,Phil. Government sucks and where people almost everyday die because of poverty. The classroom just prepares us to be updated with the who's who, but, its out there in the Streets we can learn more about LIFE. That's why I quit during my 3rd year in college.

Damn, I don't have a diploma to boast off. But, let me tell it to you straight, I know Life more than you do. So, when you read something here that you don't like you are free to give me comments and such but I do hate cursing, so don't tell me that my writing is bull shit, because it isn't. All my thoughts and emotions are real, these are non fiction novels which all of you like. This is my own personal saga on which I decided to share to you.

I guess I've written long enough. More of my thoughts coming up!!

WELCOME

2008-12-10T18:37:00.000-08:00

Finally, I was able to create this blog on a different site other than my multiply site. For the past 3 days I was confined in my own bed due to an ankle sprain which made me immobile and stinky. I decided to create this new world, since,everyone is blogging on this site.

At long last I created a new abode where most of the time you will hear me rant and scream.

The first of the hundred blogs I will post soon!